What Do You Want to Be Today?

~Cat what are you doing. You are not a towel. You do not even like water. Get off of that.

~CAT DON’T LISTEN TO ANYONE ELSE YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT. IT’S YOUR LIFE. GO AHEAD AND BE A TOWEL. FUCK THE SYSTEM. YOU’RE SUCH AN INSPIRATION.

~CAT, DONT LISTEN TO THEM. YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY!

~THATS NOT EVEN A TOWEL RACK. ITS LIKE A PIPE OR SOME SHIT.

~DON’T LISTEN PIPE! YOU CAN BE A TOWEL RACK IF YOU BELIEVE! YOU AND CAT CAN BE TOWEL AND TOWEL RACK, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, NOT LISTENING TO ANYONE WHO DOESN’T BELIEVE.

Loyal Readers: this just goes to show ya - For every shitty, debbie-downer in this world, there is a whole group of people waiting to encourage you to be whatever the fuck you wanna be. Towel rack, pipe, or otherwise… for instance, today I’m a cupcake sprinkle.

Love
HATE,

Jennifer

6 Proofs That Elephants Are Jerks

My hypothesis:  Elephants are jerks. 

Proof #1:  This elephant drives like my ex-boyfriend.  He would rather run the car off the road than allow it to pass safely and reasonably.

Proof #2:  Just like humans, some elephants are just jerks.  Like Stampy and Homer Simpson.

Proof #3:  Lamkun, The Deliberately Sneezing Pachyderm.  A delightful story about a ride on a jerk of an elephant.

Proof #4:  Poor iguana. Just go look at this picture.

Proof #5:  Color me jerk. Even interior decorators are catching on to this phenomena.

Proof #6:  GTFO. The first two rows will get wet.

Hypothesis:  PROVEN.  (I dare you to rebut in the comments.)

Notes Between Sisters From Around the Web

We haven't posted in a while.  Sorry, geez.  We've been busy, OKAY?  Here's some notes between sisters, and some just written by a sister, and maybe one or two that are just hilarious.

This is what one sorority sister posted outside her door.  She's really not kidding, okay?

 Sister One goes out of town.  Sister Two saves little fish's life.  Sister One now makes Sister Two's bed for life.

A mother's plea.

I love everyone.  Except those SISTERS.  I can only muster up a "like."  And even that is wavering.

One sister helps out her other sister by threatening her new beau.  She means it, too.

An acrostic poem assigned in school about a family member.  She could have done "Mom" but Martha's sister was a deep well of material.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

The joker smile on Hello Kitty really makes the intent known.  Or DOES IT?

 

If you have a sister, write her a note today!

Fluffy Movies

I watch Fluffy Movies.  These are movies for which my Daria-esque, ball-busting, feminist side would have me beheaded for watching.  I blame Jennifer.

DEFINITION TIME!
Fluffy Movie
(fluf-FEE moo-VEE)
noun
1.  a movie with a largely female-theme, esp. teenage females, with plot lines built around trends, pop-culture references, boys, make-up, music by female artists/bands, and including at minimum one makeover scene.

Examples:

Reason I Watched: 

Heath Ledger sings an over-the-top version of Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You by Frankie Valli.

Reason I Watched:

The impromptu Thriller dance that saves the day.

Reason I Watched:

Contagiously quotable dialogue.

Reason I Watched:

Must see the train wreck that is Lindsey Lohan pretend she is in a rock band.

Reason I Watched:

To indulge my inner bitchy teenager that wants to ruin a boy who hurt me.

Reason I Watched:

Again, the Lohan train wreck.  Also, best line in the movie:

Amber D'Alessio: [reading from the burn book] Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time!

Reason I Watched:

I'm a stupid sucker for makeover montages and big reveals.

Reason I Watched:

Again with makeover montages and big reveals.

Reason I Watched:

Teenaged witches.  Doing WICCA.  :)

Jennifer gives me reason to indulge myself so I can't be held responsible for these Fluffy choices.  It's all her fault.  She MADE me watch them.  I TRY to be a good big sister and hang out with my little sister.  If I HAVE to.  (Heh, heh!)

Whatcha Got In Here Friday & What I'll Give You if You'll Just Go Away Friday

Christina: SOOOOOOOOOOO.....Whatcha got in here?!!!!!!?!!!!!?

Jennifer:  ::looks around::

here...

have these baby arm earrings. You can have them if you just get out of my room!

Christina: Ok I'll have them. But what ELSE ya got in here ::continues looking around::

Jennifer: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!

Have a lovely weekend!

Love

HATE,

Pink Pink U Stink

My "Grease Spot"

Its totally okay to laugh about it now, but I used to be very sensitive when my family would call the comfy spot upon where I sat and enjoyed the comforts of home, my "grease spot".

I guess they named it after the fantastic product that "lets your soul shine through" from the film Coming to America. In this movie there is a scene when the couple gets off the couch and there is a stain from where their Soul Glo seeped into the cushions.

If you aren't familiar with the movie, then imagine if you left a french fry on a napkin...like so:

Your body produces natural oils; and from the amount of time I spent watching tv from the safety and comfort of my bed, one could come to the conclusion that I was the french fry of life and my bed, it's napkin.

It would appear that I was a shut-in that didn't shower for days; eating, drinking, loafing in my "spot". I think I was so sensitive because they were basically saying I was unhygenic. Truthfully, there were a couple (ok, a lot) of weekends that I wouldn't shower or brush my teeth, but by Monday morning when I had to go to school, I would shower and be as presentable as an awkward teen can be. In my defense, WHO HASN'T GONE A WEEKEND WITHOUT SHOWERING?

As (a less awkward) adult, I still find myself going all weekend without a shower. Its so friggin hot in Florida and I am covered in sweat 5 seconds after showering anyway...I have little care what strangers may think of me in my ponytail nubbin (I have short hair, efforts to have a flowing cascade of ponytail are futile) and comfy weekend wear. That is, if I even leave the house! If I do leave the house, its because I'm rummaging through dirty thrift stores and crafting with paint, glue, scraps of fabric/thread/paper. There is no need to smell pretty and dress up in my "sunday best".

So back to the the grease spot of my childhood..... It was me, and my stuffed animals, watching my favorite characters doing things I hoped to do someday. Here's what I thought I was doing:

Here's what they saw:

Funny thing is...just yesterday I was having a BBQ Pulled Pork-Mango-Pickle Sandwich (a recipe of my own concoction), drinking out of a juice jug (no glass), in my undies, on my frilly-doily-covered-queen-anne-chair, watching I Dream of Jeannie. It looked a lot like the above picture. And I'm okay with that; Cuz I'm an adult and I can have cookies for breakfast if I want to. Jelly?

Love
HATE,

-Jennifer

A Picture of a Gross Snail

I submit that Jennifer open an antique shop called "Everything Is Gross."

Who's with me?

Source