Poop Particles: A Response and A Defense

(This is my rebuttal to Jennifer's previous post: Poop Particles)

Poop particles can SO be conducted through the phone.  They travel like sound.  I'll get some sources on this asap.

Secondly, I made Jennifer sit outside the bathroom door while I pooped NOT to assist in some psychological or proximal way.  I made her do it for the following reasons:

1. For most of my high school career, my daily constitutional began it's prairie-doggin' dance on the bus on the way home.  EVERYDAY.  So poop was happenin' on a regular schedule.  Fiber was my friend.
2. Being the oldest of three and our dad not being home for another hour or two, I had responsibilities to take care of.  One of them was checking/opening the mail.  Another was holding the cordless phone (because I was IN CHARGE, that's why). 
3. Pooping and eldest-kid-responsibilities required simultaneous attention. 
4. Jennifer rules.  When she was awesome, she was AWETHOME.  When she was not so awesome, it was awethome to annoy her. 

So basically I made her sit there to amuse me while I pooped if she was being cool that day.  And if she wasn't being cool that day, I made her sit there to amuse me while I pooped AND made noises and generally grossed her out because it's hilarious when she gets all neurotic.

I have always asked myself:  How does someone with their pants around their ankles, covered in very important mail and cordless phones, MAKE someone sit on the carpet outside the door and hold a conversation with said pooper?

I guess the world will never know.  Maybe.